A very predominant part of my job is talking to clients about debt. It's also a huge hurtle when trying to set my clients up for future success. Debt general sits on the table in between us like an over sized stinky elephant.
"How did we get here?" floats through the air silently after the initial budget is done. Heaviness followed by furrowed brows and uncomfortable shifting in seats. Debt is a sneaky SOB and in all honesty we are set up to fail. No, let me correct myself - we are TRAINED to fail.
I often feel like I am the bad cop, having to show my clients the real picture, the one the bank or the lender didn't show them when they signed over their entire pay cheques to finance (fill in blank). I want to scream "Don't feel bad! I can help! I just have to show you the problem in order for us to know how to fix it." I even tried skipping over the income and expenses part of planning so I wouldn't have to see the long faces and disheartening slowly sinking in. But how can you fix something when you don't know what's broken?
Our generation is like no other. We don't just want everything - we are entitled to it! We have made a silent vow to not live like our parents did, waiting for that one day down the road when we can finally "live". The pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction and we are burying ourselves fast. We scrunch up our noses at washing out zip lock bags. Don't even get me started on our lack of respect for natural resources, gas and food. We want that big shiny thing - the carrot dangling, never quite reachable. We ride around on metaphorical bulldozers, nothing stopping us from what we want.
I'm being harsh because it slapped me in the face hard when I started this job. I kept asking myself "why are my peers so frigging stubborn? Don't they see? Why wouldn't they want to retire while they can still enjoy their lives. Why don't they want to protect their income - it's their biggest asset!"
I too struggle with this sense of entitlement that comes with being born in the 70's, 80's and 90's. I hope we can turn it around, because I fear for our children if we keep living like this.
A client said to me " I know I can afford to set aside this much, and that I have to. But it scares me, it scares me that maybe I can't afford to make my debt payments, and then what would my friends think if I lost my house?".
It hit me like a ton of wet diapers.
We are the product of constant social pressure. We need to appear like we have it all together and are successful beyond our wildest dreams.
Side note: When I see clients who are saving and are on par to be successful, they live modestly - but more importantly consciously. They are careful and frugal. Often the richest clients appear to have the least. So why do we think that having a big bouncing shiny truck is somehow conveying the message "I'm a big deal"?
I will leave that for you to ponder.
I feel, not only obligated, but instinctual driven to help my peers, to save them from themselves so that someday I can sit on the beach with them and gaze upon our glorious grandchildren playing the water. The alternative is trying to play retirement-savings-catch-up at age 50 (nearly impossible unless you win the lottery) or worse having to leave work because of illness or injury earlier than you can afford to. Trust me, this game is not a fun one to play.
Please listen and heed my warning. I care so much for your financial well being because I am in it too. I live what you live.
Recognize that spending is like an addiction that is no different than any other. We are lead to believe that buying those new lulu lemon pants, will make us happier. I admit they do make your butt look nice, but the happiness is fleeting.
This is the wake up call you have been waiting for.
Anyone can pay themselves first, no matter what they make.
Some steps to help release the holds of impulse shopping:
Be conscious of your thoughts surrounding money/spending wants and needs.
Be aware of your emotional state.
Give yourself 10 minutes before you react
Write why your purchase will improve your life.
Do you have anything like it at home that you could search for?
Have a rule of getting rid of things before you bring more in.
Think about the things you desire to have in this light : Everything we own we put energy into. We have to know where it is when we need it, we have to clean it, we have to maintain it, we have to organize it, and most of all we have to "live in/amongst it". Part of reducing unnecessary spending is about de-cluttering your home, car and desk.
This is all about deservedness. Do you feel like you deserve long lasting happiness through financial freedom?(* see definition below) or do you want the short term quick fix high from the rush of buying something you know deep down you don't need and cannot afford? The choice is yours.
"Money is energy. It is an exchange of services. It is matter and form. It has no meaning of itself except what we give it and believe about it. We have so much 'stuff' about money, but it really is about what we believe we deserve." ~ Louise L. Hay
* Financial Freedom: is the freedom to chose. To live without restraints of debts holding you back.To take days off for family, sickness and vacation. To live a stress reduced life. To chose when not if you retire, or semi-retire.
